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Junsheng
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13th Nov
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Monday, March 27, 2006

Stress and depression can afflict anyone, and it can be especially tough to handle when it's our loved one who's suffering. When it seems all our words and deeds do nothing to assuage their misery, we ourselves can feel helpless and desperate.

If you're living with a loved one who's under severe stress or suffering from depression, remember that recovery is a journey; it's a work in progress, so if improvement does not seem apparent, don't be disappointed. No matter how useless you may be feeling, your loved one appreciates your support and listening ear.

Every comforting or encouraging word is helpful, but however frustrated you feel, never say to a depressed or stressed person: "Come on, snap out of it! What have you got to be worried or sad about anyway? People have it much worse than you!"

Understand that these words are easy enough for you to say, but for a stressed or depressed person, they can seem as though you're trivializing their condition, making them seem weak for not being able to "snap out" of such a petty state. Severe stress and chronic depression are illnesses. You wouldn't tell someone with high blood pressure or pneumonia to "snap out" of their condition, would you?

Also, try as much as possible not to impose advice or your own analysis or knowledge of the problem onto your loved one. Your suggestions may be in the best interest, but to the sufferer, it can sound confrontational. This may put him or her under pressure. All they'll do is dismiss your comments and clam up whenever you're around as they'll feel they're being scrutinised.

A better way is to challenge them very gently by reminding them of a time when they did something good. For example, when you hear your loved one say: "I'm useless, I never get anything right.", you can say "Sure you do, hey, remember the time when you did this??"

Finally, you may find a resource - a book, a video, or supplement that you think will help someone to beat their illness. But you must resist the urge to directly give them these resources. For someone to emerge from these illnesses, they have to make the decision themselves. A direct offer will more often than not be refused. So, if you find something you think will help, leave it lying around somewhere your loved one will find it. Such an indirect approach is more effective because once again, there is no pressure, no reminder, no confrontation. It is the sufferer who takes a willing first step towards recovery.

Me, my life 5:09 PM

	Danny
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